Tuesday, February 28, 2006
[[My reply]]
Give what up? I have never expected anything out of this... I did not ask for anything in return... so what is there to give up?
1. Did I drive any wedge between them? Everytime she says he didn't do something, I never bad mouth him what so ever..
2. Ya so? You are comparing 2 different things... There is no basis for comparision. If I am the one that is doing better things, that something is very wrong.
3. Did I ask her to love me?
4. Obiviously. So? Nothing to compare here.
5. Ya.. I understand our relationship, ie. friendship. I didn't mistake her actions to be out of love...
6. Then again, what's the basis for comparision here? Who loves her more?
7. Ya.. So?
8. Ya.. true...
9. Ya.. then?
10. Ya...they ought to, don't they?
You ask me, if our characters match? So you are telling me, you know me enough to judge me?
You say I have the wrong purpose in life.. Can you even re-iterate my purpose to me? Do you even understand what I see in this? Who are you to judge, when it doesn't even conflicts against morals...
Ya.. everyone knows she is attached..
So, is what I am doing a wrong?
Can you even tell me what I am doing?
I just want to care for her... I have never asked for her to reciprocate anything... You don't understand it, do you... It doesn't mean that you only do something just because you see a positive outcome, something in your favour... Sometimes, the process of doing is the most meaningful. That's it. I like her. I want her to be happy. I just feel like doing things for her... Is that immoral? If I am hurting her by caring for her, just tell me.. If she can't even face me to say all this.. Then you expect me to listen to all your bullshit?
When I say Bullshit, I don't mean nonsense.. Different people have different views... I understand that.. but seems like you only see things in your own perspective... I say bullshit, because, as you can see from my reply, most of the points you brought up can't be compared.. The objects in comparision are 2 distiinct and different objects.
I am not starting a comparision of who cares for her more... I do all that I did for her, because of the feelings I have for her...
Don't fucking talk like I am doing an immoral deed, something that is utterly wrong. In the first place, you already got me all wrong... There is nothing I desire out of this, so there is never anything GIVE UP ON... If you really want to help... Let the 2 of us sort this out face to face... Don't play God
i promise @
10:08 PM.
Monday, February 27, 2006
[[My 2 faces]]
I was browsing through some photos I had in my com... Stumbled upon these 2 which startled me... My life is really depicted in the story of Gundam SEED and Destiny...
Kira(My gentle side) ~ To protect the ones he love, he will fight.{Text: 4 leaf clover}I gave you a four leaf clover for good luck, remember?
Shinn(My dark side) ~ To protect the one he loves, he will kill.{Text: A present for you}The guestbook I made for you, remember? My present for you.. I always try to be there for you... Try to give things to you... Things that you want or things that you need... In the past I could do more, because we always talk to each other on the phone.. We always tell each other everything. You always tell me everything... Your joy... Your sorrow... When you got your results, and he didn't want to listen to you. You msg me, and called me.... I knew you cried... I told you that maybe he was just busy in camp, even though I very much wanted to tell you that he didn't really cared for you enough... I was so happy that you turned to me... It was never too much trouble to be there for you... When you told me that you wanted to try those driving games.. I immediately asked you out,, cos I wanted to bring you to play them... It's not that I always bring up the same old things... But this are all the memories I have... No matter how little.. I cherish them... And it's also because they are not many, that I cherish them even more... Caring for you is the one thing I can do without the need to think or plan beforehand. It just comes so naturally to me.... Whenever you want anything or need anything I just want to be there for you... I find my place behind you.... in your shadow.. It's a far cry from the place you found beside me and in my heart...I think this is the first time that tears trinkle out of my eyes without me knowing while I'm thinking about you... I am very scared.. I am very sad... That you are distanting away from me... There is a career fair this wkend... Remember 2 years back when we got our results? I accompanied you a similar one? It was the same day as the day we got our A level results.. You didn't do well... I wanted to be there to comfort you... You said you wanted to go take a look at the fair.. I offered to acccompany you... You agreed.I walked beside you, sometimes behind you. Appearing beside you only when you had doubts or needed explanation and advice. I just realised that this is what I have been doing all along... Appearing swiftly and surely whenever you are in need. I found my place behind you.. After the fair, we had dinner together at the food court.. It was a simple day, yet unforgettable. As time goes by, I began to discover my purpose...However, I know you would'nt accompany me to the fair.. It's ok.. :) I have never asked for anything from you... I just want to see you happy... Can you just be made known to this blog... Can you just remember everything? Don't forget about me please. I would have lost everything then...I still remember the way you call me, "Ben...", when you are sad and you want to tell me what happened...Or when you try to coax me into telling you what happened to me when I didn't want to say at first...Or when you just call out to me...."what happened?""say la...""i tell you everything..there are no secrets between us...""next time got anything, you can always calll me..."Guess I was the one who broke the promise of having no secrets between us... this is my punishment...
i promise @
11:17 PM.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
[[Broken]]
just realised something very sad.
I realised the msg you sent me was sent to Lion as well.
So, I'm only worth a Mass Sent msg...
i promise @
6:58 PM.
[[u give me life]]
{Hi.. Thanx so much for ur presence yday, came even aft work though itz late..appreciate it.. N oso thanx 4 e pressie.. Plus help me thnx e rst of ur gang oso. Thnx so much! :) }
Just received your msg...
It's been too long since I received such a msg from you. I am so happy!!
It's things like these that you do, though so small and insignificant, that really make everything I do for you so worthwhile... I have never felt like this for so long le... This sense of purpose...
Actually I didn't work ma.. how come u tot i came from work.. but, i'm so glad that you tell me u appreciate it.. You seldom put smiley face in your sms too..
You.... I don't know what to say...
If we are ever together.... I will tell you right away that I want to marry you at the earliest possible time!!
Hmmm... don't know what to do for my Bday... I don't really fancy a big party or what... It's ok to have a quiet affair... Can we just go out? Would you like to spend my Bday with me? Just go out... Have a simple dinner... Just spend some time together.. Like how we used to last time... Do you still rememeber those days? I have never forgotten all this time... Then maybe if you would just sing me a Bday song... I would be so contended... Maybe we can take a trip down memory lane... Go to the places we went before...
Tampines mall, our first outing. Where you got your Motorola HP. You have since changed you HP..
Then Whitesands and Fisherman village which we went on that same day.. Remember we lay down on the breakwater and listened to my i-River? That was an unforgettable moment.
Causewaypoint. Where we watched some of the movies together... And where we took photos that time, remember? That day when we took those photos, was one of the happiest day of my life. However, after that day... everything changed. You seemed to have forgotten about me.. We drifted apart... However, I never forgotten... This purpose you gave to me.. Made me hold on till this day, and for many more days to come...
I will always be here for you.. Please remember...
Are you remembering?
I can give up everything for you...
i promise @
1:38 PM.
[[tears]]
How you find your Bday party? I regret that I wasn't there in the middle of it... Went to my classmates's party.. I was alone at your party.. Feel very out of place.. But don't think that you would have noticed or even felt my absence. You had your friends, bf there...
I went early to give you the guestbook. But you were busy... You didn't look at my present... I pleaded you to look at it first... I reminded you that you said before, you wanted a guestbook to keep you Bday photos.. I made one for you!
But you told me, you had one already...
Actually I didn't really spent much time doing your guestbook. And it was a last minute job... Didn't really have much idea how to do it also. But I really did it with all my heart. I put my heart into it.. Knowing that you wanted something like this... I wanted to surprise you, yet in the end, I was the one getting surprised. I wanted to subtly write this blog's address in one of the pics, so that you may somehow discover it... But I decided against it in the end as it would be too obvious in any of the pics...
I missed your cake cutting... What did he give you? Perhaps it's a blessing that I didn't know. What's there for me to know... All I need to know is that I put in my heart soul into doing yours... After the party ended, I didn't even see him helping to clear or what... When you took photos together, you 2 don't even see close to each other... You don't even look like a couple.... Not that I want to mock you... But how is he better than me?
Later in the night when I returned to your ending party. After everyone left, and you finally spoke to me. I managed to get you to take a closer look at the guestbook. Your face changed and you went silent when you opened it and saw the pages inside... Were you surprised? Were you happy silently? I think you were... But I wonder if I was wrong...
You are amazing. You could mix with my friends so well... You could fit in so well into any part of my life... I can never be like you. I had to leave the party quietly because I couldn't find my place there. That's proof enough... I want to be like what you are to me... I want to be part of you life too.. I don't ask that I be in your heart. I know that is not possible... But can I at least make a difference in your life? I thought I used to.... You really left a mark in my life... You made me want to do everything for you... I don't mind standing in the shadows... When I see you happy, that smile on your face, all that is enough. Do you know what you are to me?
I don't think you do... because stupid me didn't tell you...
Stellar, I still want to care for you... do things for you... make sure everything is ok for you... That is what I had always been doing right? If there is ever a day that I am going away. I hope that you will tell me that you know what I did for you, and that I cared for you and that you know that I am always there for you. You don't need to do anything in return for me. By telling me that you kn0w, you would have done everything.
Thank you for making my life meaningful.
so many cows.. you like cows rite?
see..got layer one.. nice?
your other present.. i wrap one.. nice?
i promise @
11:13 AM.
Monday, February 20, 2006
[[Looking back]]
Your Bday is coming.. ur 21st Bday... it's a special day for you....
Getting a photo album for you... because that time I remembered you said your Bday wish is for everyone to take neoprints and stick them in some sort of guest book. I had the idea to rent the machine, or at least gather everyone at the machine and pay for it all.. I know you wanted it.. Well, I didnt do it.... The closest I'm doing, is to get a nice photo album for you to keep all the photos of your 21st Bday... I want to print and decorate the album.. with cows and pictures of Precious Moments... You still like cows, don't you? I decided on a Precious Moments album rather than a Forever Friends one.. Hmmm... silly me don't want us to be Forever friends... so silly...
Hope you will like my present... Just want to get something that i think you would like... I used to do that always, remember?
I really enjoyed doing things for you. Giving you things. Making you happy. It just makes me so contented to see you happy.. And when you smile back at me and thank me... It just means so much to me.. You just make me forget about everything else... I can forget about everything and just put in all heart and soul into doing anything for you... You just make me want to... I don't know why...
Sometimes when I lie on my bed, I would remember that this is the bed I used to lie on when we had our little phone calls back then..
Sometimes when I listen to the Gundam SEED soundtrack, I would remember that these are the songs I would listen to when I was sad. But I wouldn't be sad for long, because I know you are always ready to listen to me.
I remember that you told me if there is anything, I can just call you.
I remember that you would never turn away from me, and that I always have you there standing, whenever I need you.
You were that and so much more to me. That's why I want to be what you were to me. Even though you no longer do these things for me, I still want to...
Is he better that me? So much that you can forget about me... about us. My greatest regret in my life is that I didn't tell you earlier how much you meant to me when you broke up... I didn't think that you would suddenly patch up again... But I did told you that I'll protect you always right... When you cried and said you lost everything, I told you that I'm still here and that I'll take care of you right?
I wanted to go to you that night.. But you said you didn't want to let me see you cry. I should have told you what you told me before. ou told me it's ok to cry...
If I had went that night, things wouldn't be like this today... I wouldn't be the one crying...
When will you remember?
I am like Shinn.... The little boy who wants so much to protect Stellar... He loved her so much.. Yet Stellar didn't know... Yet, this little boy stood by his promise...
"I'll always protect you"
i promise @
11:47 PM.
Friday, February 17, 2006
[[Tonight]]
I'm happy tonight. Very happy. I have never felt like this for so long.. Only you have the power to make me feel this way..
You are beautiful tonight, as always. I wouldn't say pretty. Beautiful is more befitting of you. You seemed like you never changed. The bubbly you that I once knew. That sweet smile. The look of joy and surprise whenever I bring something for you. It just brightens up my day. It's you who can make me forget about everything and only want to make you happy.
I will do everything in my power to give you anything and everything you want. In exchange for the purpose you give to my life. You give me meaning, you make my life complete. I wonld be nothing without you. I want to protect you, just as you had shielded me with your care before. Even though now you don't listen to me pour my troubles, what I said before still holds true. Because now what you give to me is beyond care and concern. You give me a reason to live. You fulfill my life. You gave me my purpose.
Even though this night was short, it was enough for me. How I wished my life would end now, so that I can take this fond memory to my grave. Even though we can't be together, tonight, you made me want to provide for you. I don't know how to put it in words. I would give everything for you...
Still, I hope you would remember. I pray that you will turn to me some day.
i promise @
2:57 AM.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
[[]]
Bought this for you... You said your Bday wish was to pass your exams and driving. This clover brings good luck. So I got it for you... Chose this design... In the past, I could have told you, it's because you are my angel... But now....
Called you today, asked if you wanted to have breakfast together.. but you said your father cooked. Finally heard your voice again after so long. It's still so pleasant...
Last night, when I asked how you celebrated V-day, you told me you had tuition. Did he do anything for you? In the past, if I knew you wanted something, anything, which he neglected. I would go all out to do it for you... Now, I don't know anything anymore. I can't protect you anymore... I still want to... Remember the chocolates, playing the driving games?
I don't ask for much. As much as I want, I never asked that you accept me. I was contented with our close friendship. It was enough seeing you happy, and doing things for you. I know you have a relationship. I have never had the intention to drive a stake between you two. I only wanted to be there to see that everything is alright for you... I never told you that I liked you because I was afraid that it would sour our friendship. Just don't forget about me...
Some time back, you kept ignoring my msgs. When you finally replied, you were so fierce. You said you had your own problems, no time to listen to me.. What happened? You were never like that. Nevertheless, I instinctively forget about my own problems, and only wanted to help you.... But you wouldn't tell me. You said I can't help you, no one can... It hurts me... I though you told me that there are no secrets between us? And that even the problems are not solved, we can still share our problems?
I can forget about whatever problems I have. So long as I know you need anything, I will do everything in my power to do it for you. I don't ask for anythig in return... I just want to be able to continue protecting you...
You gave me my purpose. You made me feel so needed and made me feel cared for. You gave me my meaning in life...
However, things seemed to have changed now... how did things become like this? I miss you.. I miss us... the 'us' that we used to be... it hurts.... I can understand how Shinn feels when Stellar forgotten about him
i promise @
12:46 AM.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
[[]]
How long has it been since we last chat on the phone...
We are drifting further and further...
I tried to be what you unwittinglly were to me...
I failed
Maybe I didn't protect you enough..
Is it coming to an end?
i promise @
12:07 AM.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
[[My reply]]
Give what up? I have never expected anything out of this... I did not ask for anything in return... so what is there to give up?
1. Did I drive any wedge between them? Everytime she says he didn't do something, I never bad mouth him what so ever..
2. Ya so? You are comparing 2 different things... There is no basis for comparision. If I am the one that is doing better things, that something is very wrong.
3. Did I ask her to love me?
4. Obiviously. So? Nothing to compare here.
5. Ya.. I understand our relationship, ie. friendship. I didn't mistake her actions to be out of love...
6. Then again, what's the basis for comparision here? Who loves her more?
7. Ya.. So?
8. Ya.. true...
9. Ya.. then?
10. Ya...they ought to, don't they?
You ask me, if our characters match? So you are telling me, you know me enough to judge me?
You say I have the wrong purpose in life.. Can you even re-iterate my purpose to me? Do you even understand what I see in this? Who are you to judge, when it doesn't even conflicts against morals...
Ya.. everyone knows she is attached..
So, is what I am doing a wrong?
Can you even tell me what I am doing?
I just want to care for her... I have never asked for her to reciprocate anything... You don't understand it, do you... It doesn't mean that you only do something just because you see a positive outcome, something in your favour... Sometimes, the process of doing is the most meaningful. That's it. I like her. I want her to be happy. I just feel like doing things for her... Is that immoral? If I am hurting her by caring for her, just tell me.. If she can't even face me to say all this.. Then you expect me to listen to all your bullshit?
When I say Bullshit, I don't mean nonsense.. Different people have different views... I understand that.. but seems like you only see things in your own perspective... I say bullshit, because, as you can see from my reply, most of the points you brought up can't be compared.. The objects in comparision are 2 distiinct and different objects.
I am not starting a comparision of who cares for her more... I do all that I did for her, because of the feelings I have for her...
Don't fucking talk like I am doing an immoral deed, something that is utterly wrong. In the first place, you already got me all wrong... There is nothing I desire out of this, so there is never anything GIVE UP ON... If you really want to help... Let the 2 of us sort this out face to face... Don't play God
i promise @
10:08 PM.
Monday, February 27, 2006
[[My 2 faces]]
I was browsing through some photos I had in my com... Stumbled upon these 2 which startled me... My life is really depicted in the story of Gundam SEED and Destiny...
Kira(My gentle side) ~ To protect the ones he love, he will fight.{Text: 4 leaf clover}I gave you a four leaf clover for good luck, remember?Shinn(My dark side) ~ To protect the one he loves, he will kill.{Text: A present for you}The guestbook I made for you, remember? My present for you.. I always try to be there for you... Try to give things to you... Things that you want or things that you need... In the past I could do more, because we always talk to each other on the phone.. We always tell each other everything. You always tell me everything... Your joy... Your sorrow... When you got your results, and he didn't want to listen to you. You msg me, and called me.... I knew you cried... I told you that maybe he was just busy in camp, even though I very much wanted to tell you that he didn't really cared for you enough... I was so happy that you turned to me... It was never too much trouble to be there for you... When you told me that you wanted to try those driving games.. I immediately asked you out,, cos I wanted to bring you to play them... It's not that I always bring up the same old things... But this are all the memories I have... No matter how little.. I cherish them... And it's also because they are not many, that I cherish them even more... Caring for you is the one thing I can do without the need to think or plan beforehand. It just comes so naturally to me.... Whenever you want anything or need anything I just want to be there for you... I find my place behind you.... in your shadow.. It's a far cry from the place you found beside me and in my heart...I think this is the first time that tears trinkle out of my eyes without me knowing while I'm thinking about you... I am very scared.. I am very sad... That you are distanting away from me... There is a career fair this wkend... Remember 2 years back when we got our results? I accompanied you a similar one? It was the same day as the day we got our A level results.. You didn't do well... I wanted to be there to comfort you... You said you wanted to go take a look at the fair.. I offered to acccompany you... You agreed.I walked beside you, sometimes behind you. Appearing beside you only when you had doubts or needed explanation and advice. I just realised that this is what I have been doing all along... Appearing swiftly and surely whenever you are in need. I found my place behind you.. After the fair, we had dinner together at the food court.. It was a simple day, yet unforgettable. As time goes by, I began to discover my purpose...However, I know you would'nt accompany me to the fair.. It's ok.. :) I have never asked for anything from you... I just want to see you happy... Can you just be made known to this blog... Can you just remember everything? Don't forget about me please. I would have lost everything then...I still remember the way you call me, "Ben...", when you are sad and you want to tell me what happened...Or when you try to coax me into telling you what happened to me when I didn't want to say at first...Or when you just call out to me...."what happened?""say la...""i tell you everything..there are no secrets between us...""next time got anything, you can always calll me..."Guess I was the one who broke the promise of having no secrets between us... this is my punishment...
i promise @
11:17 PM.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
[[Broken]]
just realised something very sad.
I realised the msg you sent me was sent to Lion as well.
So, I'm only worth a Mass Sent msg...
i promise @
6:58 PM.
[[u give me life]]
{Hi.. Thanx so much for ur presence yday, came even aft work though itz late..appreciate it.. N oso thanx 4 e pressie.. Plus help me thnx e rst of ur gang oso. Thnx so much! :) }
Just received your msg...
It's been too long since I received such a msg from you. I am so happy!!
It's things like these that you do, though so small and insignificant, that really make everything I do for you so worthwhile... I have never felt like this for so long le... This sense of purpose...
Actually I didn't work ma.. how come u tot i came from work.. but, i'm so glad that you tell me u appreciate it.. You seldom put smiley face in your sms too..
You.... I don't know what to say...
If we are ever together.... I will tell you right away that I want to marry you at the earliest possible time!!
Hmmm... don't know what to do for my Bday... I don't really fancy a big party or what... It's ok to have a quiet affair... Can we just go out? Would you like to spend my Bday with me? Just go out... Have a simple dinner... Just spend some time together.. Like how we used to last time... Do you still rememeber those days? I have never forgotten all this time... Then maybe if you would just sing me a Bday song... I would be so contended... Maybe we can take a trip down memory lane... Go to the places we went before...
Tampines mall, our first outing. Where you got your Motorola HP. You have since changed you HP..
Then Whitesands and Fisherman village which we went on that same day.. Remember we lay down on the breakwater and listened to my i-River? That was an unforgettable moment.
Causewaypoint. Where we watched some of the movies together... And where we took photos that time, remember? That day when we took those photos, was one of the happiest day of my life. However, after that day... everything changed. You seemed to have forgotten about me.. We drifted apart... However, I never forgotten... This purpose you gave to me.. Made me hold on till this day, and for many more days to come...
I will always be here for you.. Please remember...
Are you remembering?
I can give up everything for you...
i promise @
1:38 PM.
[[tears]]
How you find your Bday party? I regret that I wasn't there in the middle of it... Went to my classmates's party.. I was alone at your party.. Feel very out of place.. But don't think that you would have noticed or even felt my absence. You had your friends, bf there...
I went early to give you the guestbook. But you were busy... You didn't look at my present... I pleaded you to look at it first... I reminded you that you said before, you wanted a guestbook to keep you Bday photos.. I made one for you!
But you told me, you had one already...
Actually I didn't really spent much time doing your guestbook. And it was a last minute job... Didn't really have much idea how to do it also. But I really did it with all my heart. I put my heart into it.. Knowing that you wanted something like this... I wanted to surprise you, yet in the end, I was the one getting surprised. I wanted to subtly write this blog's address in one of the pics, so that you may somehow discover it... But I decided against it in the end as it would be too obvious in any of the pics...
I missed your cake cutting... What did he give you? Perhaps it's a blessing that I didn't know. What's there for me to know... All I need to know is that I put in my heart soul into doing yours... After the party ended, I didn't even see him helping to clear or what... When you took photos together, you 2 don't even see close to each other... You don't even look like a couple.... Not that I want to mock you... But how is he better than me?
Later in the night when I returned to your ending party. After everyone left, and you finally spoke to me. I managed to get you to take a closer look at the guestbook. Your face changed and you went silent when you opened it and saw the pages inside... Were you surprised? Were you happy silently? I think you were... But I wonder if I was wrong...
You are amazing. You could mix with my friends so well... You could fit in so well into any part of my life... I can never be like you. I had to leave the party quietly because I couldn't find my place there. That's proof enough... I want to be like what you are to me... I want to be part of you life too.. I don't ask that I be in your heart. I know that is not possible... But can I at least make a difference in your life? I thought I used to.... You really left a mark in my life... You made me want to do everything for you... I don't mind standing in the shadows... When I see you happy, that smile on your face, all that is enough. Do you know what you are to me?
I don't think you do... because stupid me didn't tell you...
Stellar, I still want to care for you... do things for you... make sure everything is ok for you... That is what I had always been doing right? If there is ever a day that I am going away. I hope that you will tell me that you know what I did for you, and that I cared for you and that you know that I am always there for you. You don't need to do anything in return for me. By telling me that you kn0w, you would have done everything.
Thank you for making my life meaningful.
so many cows.. you like cows rite?see..got layer one.. nice?your other present.. i wrap one.. nice?
i promise @
11:13 AM.
Monday, February 20, 2006
[[Looking back]]
Your Bday is coming.. ur 21st Bday... it's a special day for you....
Getting a photo album for you... because that time I remembered you said your Bday wish is for everyone to take neoprints and stick them in some sort of guest book. I had the idea to rent the machine, or at least gather everyone at the machine and pay for it all.. I know you wanted it.. Well, I didnt do it.... The closest I'm doing, is to get a nice photo album for you to keep all the photos of your 21st Bday... I want to print and decorate the album.. with cows and pictures of Precious Moments... You still like cows, don't you? I decided on a Precious Moments album rather than a Forever Friends one.. Hmmm... silly me don't want us to be Forever friends... so silly...
Hope you will like my present... Just want to get something that i think you would like... I used to do that always, remember?
I really enjoyed doing things for you. Giving you things. Making you happy. It just makes me so contented to see you happy.. And when you smile back at me and thank me... It just means so much to me.. You just make me forget about everything else... I can forget about everything and just put in all heart and soul into doing anything for you... You just make me want to... I don't know why...
Sometimes when I lie on my bed, I would remember that this is the bed I used to lie on when we had our little phone calls back then..
Sometimes when I listen to the Gundam SEED soundtrack, I would remember that these are the songs I would listen to when I was sad. But I wouldn't be sad for long, because I know you are always ready to listen to me.
I remember that you told me if there is anything, I can just call you.
I remember that you would never turn away from me, and that I always have you there standing, whenever I need you.
You were that and so much more to me. That's why I want to be what you were to me. Even though you no longer do these things for me, I still want to...
Is he better that me? So much that you can forget about me... about us. My greatest regret in my life is that I didn't tell you earlier how much you meant to me when you broke up... I didn't think that you would suddenly patch up again... But I did told you that I'll protect you always right... When you cried and said you lost everything, I told you that I'm still here and that I'll take care of you right?
I wanted to go to you that night.. But you said you didn't want to let me see you cry. I should have told you what you told me before. ou told me it's ok to cry...
If I had went that night, things wouldn't be like this today... I wouldn't be the one crying...
When will you remember?
I am like Shinn.... The little boy who wants so much to protect Stellar... He loved her so much.. Yet Stellar didn't know... Yet, this little boy stood by his promise...
"I'll always protect you"
i promise @
11:47 PM.
Friday, February 17, 2006
[[Tonight]]
I'm happy tonight. Very happy. I have never felt like this for so long.. Only you have the power to make me feel this way..
You are beautiful tonight, as always. I wouldn't say pretty. Beautiful is more befitting of you. You seemed like you never changed. The bubbly you that I once knew. That sweet smile. The look of joy and surprise whenever I bring something for you. It just brightens up my day. It's you who can make me forget about everything and only want to make you happy.
I will do everything in my power to give you anything and everything you want. In exchange for the purpose you give to my life. You give me meaning, you make my life complete. I wonld be nothing without you. I want to protect you, just as you had shielded me with your care before. Even though now you don't listen to me pour my troubles, what I said before still holds true. Because now what you give to me is beyond care and concern. You give me a reason to live. You fulfill my life. You gave me my purpose.
Even though this night was short, it was enough for me. How I wished my life would end now, so that I can take this fond memory to my grave. Even though we can't be together, tonight, you made me want to provide for you. I don't know how to put it in words. I would give everything for you...
Still, I hope you would remember. I pray that you will turn to me some day.
i promise @
2:57 AM.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
[[]]
Bought this for you... You said your Bday wish was to pass your exams and driving. This clover brings good luck. So I got it for you... Chose this design... In the past, I could have told you, it's because you are my angel... But now....
Called you today, asked if you wanted to have breakfast together.. but you said your father cooked. Finally heard your voice again after so long. It's still so pleasant...
Last night, when I asked how you celebrated V-day, you told me you had tuition. Did he do anything for you? In the past, if I knew you wanted something, anything, which he neglected. I would go all out to do it for you... Now, I don't know anything anymore. I can't protect you anymore... I still want to... Remember the chocolates, playing the driving games?
I don't ask for much. As much as I want, I never asked that you accept me. I was contented with our close friendship. It was enough seeing you happy, and doing things for you. I know you have a relationship. I have never had the intention to drive a stake between you two. I only wanted to be there to see that everything is alright for you... I never told you that I liked you because I was afraid that it would sour our friendship. Just don't forget about me...
Some time back, you kept ignoring my msgs. When you finally replied, you were so fierce. You said you had your own problems, no time to listen to me.. What happened? You were never like that. Nevertheless, I instinctively forget about my own problems, and only wanted to help you.... But you wouldn't tell me. You said I can't help you, no one can... It hurts me... I though you told me that there are no secrets between us? And that even the problems are not solved, we can still share our problems?
I can forget about whatever problems I have. So long as I know you need anything, I will do everything in my power to do it for you. I don't ask for anythig in return... I just want to be able to continue protecting you...
You gave me my purpose. You made me feel so needed and made me feel cared for. You gave me my meaning in life...
However, things seemed to have changed now... how did things become like this? I miss you.. I miss us... the 'us' that we used to be... it hurts.... I can understand how Shinn feels when Stellar forgotten about him
i promise @
12:46 AM.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
[[]]
How long has it been since we last chat on the phone...
We are drifting further and further...
I tried to be what you unwittinglly were to me...
I failed
Maybe I didn't protect you enough..
Is it coming to an end?
i promise @
12:07 AM.